Just me

The peace and serenity continue. I didn't think it was possible to feel this.... well. I feel better than I did prior to taking the medicine. I wonder why that is.

I still have the week spells at times, but only a couple of times a week. My only major problem has been insomnia. I take an anbien and still have trouble sleeping at times. But everything can't be perfect.

I'm not manic. I'm not depressed and having suicidal thoughts. I'm just.... me. And it feels great.

Update

I haven't put the poison in my system for three days, and I feel amazing. In the past three days, I've had maybe two outbursts and they were minor by comparison. Previously, I had at least two per day.

I feel such peace and serenity. God, You are so awesome. Thank You so much.

I hope it keeps up. I haven't felt this peaceful in a long time.

Heat, coursing through my veins. Out of my fingertips. Electricity. Flames trying to burst out of my very soul, my heart. It's unreal. It's like, literally, seeing red.......

It's a nightmare.

Then peace..... so thankful for the periods of peace. They are my sanity.

Lamictal is evil

Lamictal is an evil poison that I have been putting in my body. It was intended to stabilize my mood swings, but it's made me crazy as hell. I have experienced the following side effects:

-crazy ass mood swings. I'll go into a fit of rage and say things I didn't think was capable of crossing my lips. This has happened on a daily basis. It's like I'm not in control of my body or mind. I'm talking throwing things and stuff.

-occasional suicidal thoughts. Not something I'd act on, but thoughts like, Wouldn't things be a lot easier if that truck just hit me right now while I'm driving?

-Crying jags (see prior post)

-All over itchiness. It feels crazy. I'm clawing my skin up. I probably look like a junkie. A rash is a side effect of lamictal, but I haven't had a visible rash-just crazy itchiness. It's maddening.

-Muscle aches. One morning I woke up and it felt like I'd run a marathon the day before, but I hadn't done anything.

These are the side effects they DON'T tell you about on the drug sites, but I've found message boards where people have had similar effects. I've been on it for three weeks and my psych gave the green light to go cold turkey from it. I'm slightly afraid of the withdrawal symptoms (which are heinous, per some people), but I'd rather get the crap out of my system. The sooner, the better.

These angry mood swings feel like a horrible nicotine withdrawal, if anyone has ever experienced it. Awful! I can't stop the words from coming out of my mouth!!! This is the problem I was having prior to taking the meds, but it is a thousand times worse. I'll have one of these spells about 3-5 times per day, EVERY DAY. Poor Dav. He's bore the brunt of it. I love him so much for putting up with my crap. I only threw one fit yesterday. I was proud of myself. David told me to "calm down" and I told him I wasn't upset. Then proceeded to get upset. Picture a two year old throwing a fit in a store.

Yeah, that bad.